[Written early Friday]
Mike Hyatt [President and CEO of Thomas Nelson] had a guest blogger, Mary DeMuth [also a former guest blogger for me, and a gal I admire], who mentioned Five Strategies for Dealing with People Who Abuse Your Trust. [http://michaelahyatt.com ] As you might guess, some are Biblical principles: Let it Go, Move On, Don’t Stop Taking Risks [as if!], Choose to Forgive, Keep Your Words Few. [Apparently, she didn’t know I’d be reading the blog.] Since the topic seemed to apply to my current situation, I posted my Biblical prospective, which Mike may, or may not, post. Either way: “I Like Mike.” So, here goes….
Hey! Kelly Mortimer of Mortimer Literary Agency here. This is long, and I understand why you might not post it, and that’s okay. I like and respect both Mary, whose guest blogs are still at my blogsite [welcometomyworlds.com], and that I’d sprint a 100-yard dash in 4″ stilettos to have two minutes with Mike Hyatt is common knowledge. But, I’m a gal who often goes against the grain, and I can’t help it. I express my opinion [yes, often dissenting] where I see it may be relevant.
I understand all 5 points. On the most part, I agree. When I’m in a business relationship I have to end, or the other party does, I try to do so in a good way. If I blew it, I own-up and apologize. Sometimes I apologize even if I didn’t do anything. [And sometimes I go ballistic first, and then apologize. I AM human.] But, I also believe there’s a time to take a different position.
As a Jesus-lovin’ gal, I’m often preached to about how I’m supposed to forgive and forget. But what about justice?[ I said justice, NOT vengeance. I'll let God handle that. --But I often get impatient with Him.] What about standing up for yourself against a bully? Did David just forgive Goliath’s army and forget what they were doing? No. He killed the bully! [And for spoils.] Yes, I know, that was pre-Jesus. But Jesus didn’t just stroll by the moneychangers in the Temple. He didn’t just experience a bad business situation and move on. He got ticked and overturned the tables!
Once upon a time, a giant writing organization done me wrong. It mentally crushed me, as I loved the organization. Then I was livid. Someone apparently started an untrue rumor about me at a ‘Christian’ conference I wasn’t attending. The organization checked on the rumor and found it to be false, but admonished me anyway. I begged them to tell me who started the rumor. They wouldn’t. After many heated e-mails–they kicked me out. By doing so and not setting the record straight on the preposterous rumor, they destroyed [rather, tried to] my credibility. What to do?
I found a solid legal avenue I could travel [through a loophole I discovered in their bylaws], and had an attorney in the proper state lined up to pursue it. It was worth the $10k I was gonna plunk down to get started. But, people whose counsel I respected advised me to let it go, and I did–reluctantly. And in the few times I still think about what this organization did, it burns my gut. Not that they did it [well, mayhap a little--], but more that I let ‘em get away with it.
My hubby [he's such a sweet man], the consumer advocate attorney, once told me [get ready to laugh] the National Enquirer prints the truth 99% of the time. He said in the cases they were printing lies, 9 out of 10 times, the celebrity they slammed sued. His comment, “You don’t sue someone who’s telling the truth. You sue someone who’s lying, and in doing so, hurts your reputation. If the celebrity isn’t suing, they often did what the Rag said they did.”
Now, I’m faced with another nasty [the bad nasty] situation. I have a problem with a huge writing organization, a former business relation, and an attorney. Again, the attack is based on a lie. What to do?
I admire entrepreneur William T. Phillips. Bill sees winning as keeping your word and standing your ground. I wish to emphatically do both. [I know that's a split infinitive, but I'm allowing it.] Bill says, “It’s all about the chocolate milk. That’s what I tell people who want to know how I came from nothing, and went on to build several multi-million dollar corporations.”*
Seems when Bill was eight, the Depression was just ending. Bill was new in Detroit, where the school gave you a pint of milk with your report card. And if your grades were great, it was chocolate milk. That’s what Bill earned. Then a bully saw him walking home, drinking his chocolate milk. The bully told Bill to give it over. “I had a choice. I was going to have to prove myself, or lose my chocolate milk. My instincts told me to fight for it.”* The bully wasn’t new to the neighborhood like Bill, and the bully was taller and bigger than Bill was. “The minute our fists started flying, it was as if my body was on autopilot. All I could think of was protecting what I’d earned.”* Bill kept punching, and the other kid backed down. Bill’s milk was never in jeopardy again. [*An American Entrepreneur by William T. Phillips]
Should I fight, and if I fight, what chance do I have of winning? DOESN’T MATTER IF I WIN. Only matters that I stand up and make an argument for myself. I’m gonna prove I’m not the one celeb who did what the Rag said they did. This round, I’m fighting for what I earned: my reputation for honesty, and for sticking up for the little guy. [That would be me, on this occasion.]
This time, the bully isn’t taking my chocolate milk.
Worth the read…go get ‘em Kel! Wish I could hold ‘em down for ya. Protect that chocolate milk, nobodys gonna do it for you.
I think it’s time you wiped that condescending grin off the RWA’s faces! Get your slingshot ready to take down the giant! God is with you!
If it’s pressed on your heart this much to stand up against what they did to you, you likely won’t find any peace until you make that move to do it. In the end, you havta do what you feel is right, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. After all, you are the only one standing in your shoes. No one else feels the sting of this as much as you. Go 4 it.
Thanks, guys. I may not care what others think, but it’s still nice to know a few supporters are with me!
I did check to see if my post got cut, or if Mike and Mary posted it. They posted it– one of 88. What disinguished my post? It was the only one neither Mike nor Mary made a comment on, LOL! [If they couldn't say something nice....]
Follow your heart Kelly. It’s brought you this far.
Praying for you sweet sister, keep that beautiful smile as you move forward, remember your prayer warriors and angels are with you!
Love,
Jim and Paulette Harris
I see it this way Kelli…let go of the emotion of it, forgive those in your heart that wronged you. But to just hand over your chocolate milk like some sort of spineless victim? Oh no, no, no. If Jesus meant us all to be cowards and walk away from every fight, then he would have just teleported to Heaven and skipped the whole cross thing. He never backed down from the righteousness of His fight. You’re not asking for vengeance, you’re asking for fairness. And if they will do it to you, they would do it to others. And some people don’t have the hutz-pah that you do and get trampled on, so once again, you’d be looking after the little guy.
You go lady! You can hold your place in line without crushing toes under your stilettos. That’s the Christian way.
Kelly,
Even for how little I know you, you constantly inspire me. Far too often in my life I’ve let myself get stepped on because I wanted to make sure I was always acting in a Christian way. Thanks for reminding me that sometimes it’s not only okay, but right to stand up for ourselves. It makes me sad that people would put you through the ringer, but I’m glad you’re standing up. I hope I can do that for myself more often.
Hello Kelly,
I have been a silent reader of yours for a while now. I “stumbled” across you when I was searching for a children’s literary agent, who works for Tommy Nelson. Your writng style and your bluntness are…umm, let’s say, familiar. I too am a truth teller. Anyone who reads your blogs will know that you tell the truth in ALL things. I am sorry you are going through this but that is not the main reason for my commenting. Your blog is inspiring. It causes one to want to stand up and PROTECT what is theirs. At all costs. You, your reputation. Me, my writing. My writing maybe just chocolate milk to some people…but you know what? A LOT of people like chocolate milk! Thank you for your blog. I really needed to “hear” it this morning.
Rooting for you, Heidi
I know this post is a couple months old, but I think I must have been led here by divine inspiration, as I can very much relate to what you’ve mentioned here.
It is not always about winning. As I recently told my husband, if everyone who encounters a bully lets the beatings go, expecting that the next person will stand up and put a stop to it, no one ever will. At some point someone has to decide when enough is enough and take action. And sometimes that someone must be me. Even if it’s scary.
Thank you, thank you, for posting this.
I empathize with you, Nichole, as I felt a hand guiding me yesterday, also.
I was a new kid in a new school when I was 11. The bully in school had me and all the other boys cowed. In gym class, during our wrestling lesson, our teacher paired me with the bully, first match, first day. I beat the bully. It was a Wonder Years moment. Haven’t been afraid of bullies since.
Only you can decide, Kelly Mortimer, if the stand is worth the investment of time and emotion. We all have our limits, have you reached yours? Once you pull that weapon, are you ready to go all the way? Got your back, either way!
As a Christian it is always hard to find the line between being forgiving and standing up for truth. We are fortunate to have the Holy Spirit to help guide us in these decisions.
Trust His heart and He will lead you down the right path.
Truth is not tolerant it is by nature cconfrontational.
Kelly,
I have a few quotes for you:
“You can determine a person’s integrity by the way they swing with adversity around them.” Swing High.
“If you’re lost, don’t keep going the same way or you might end up in hell or Wyoming, same difference.”
“Cherish those who are committed to you for they will fortify, enlighten and edify you as you battle the challenges of the future.”
“A smart man doesn’t need luck, just a bigger gun.” I kinda figured you would like this one…Brent
I love ‘em all, Brent. Love the support. You may not know, but agents take a beating. From writers, clients, and publishing houses. It wears after a time, and you wonder if you have any real friends. I appreciate you all. Even literary agents need positive feedback….
Keep laughing. It keeps us sane. :0) I love what you said to Brent above. “Even literary agents need positive feedback…” We know this, but until we hear one say it it just doesn’t register.
Kelly, you are NOT accepting MG fiction. How come?, if you don’t mind my asking. All of us MG writers NEED you. *sob*
Someone on twitter RT’d and here I am, reading this and wondering whatever happened, if anything. It’s like a story without an ending, grrrr.
I believe God would only be concerned with your attitude, not standing up for what is right. A right attitude isn’t angry, stressed, freaked, or ulcerated (which all show a lack of faith)! A right attitude trusts that He will put the right words in your mouth at the right time to make sure you walk in the truth of this scripture (and notice that it says YOU shall condemn [silence, confute] those voices):
Isa 54:17 (NKJV) No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue (voice) which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the LORD.
Sorry about the story with no ending. The ending is on hold. My hubby [he's such a sweet man], sent RWA a Cease-and-Desist letter. Buuut, said hubby is not registered to practice law in the state of Texas. RWA pretty much told him/me to go pound sand. I wanted to hire an attorney in Texas and have that atty work jointly with us to file a lawsuit. I also wanted to file a lawsuit against the Former Client From Hell [still from Hell, no longer my client] who DOES live in Calif. Sadly, my hubby [I ain't sayin' it] deserted me. [Beastly!] He won’t help me, even w/the CA lawsuit, and I’m a bit overwhelmed. [I told him I hope he writes a book someday, so I can decline to represent him....]
I still may drop the hammer. I do have friends in Texas….